The Placebo Effect

Day 3 and I feel fantastic.  Right now.  I can't speak for two hours from now, but RIGHT NOW I feel fantastic.

Fantastic is such a great word.

I'm QUITE sure that this is all attributed to a little thing called "the placebo effect".  I have never heard of an anxiety medication actually helping in only 3 days, so again - I'm pretty sure my brain has taken over.

At least this time it is using it's power for good instead of evil.

Brains are an amazing thing.  This whole struggle with anxiety has made me MARVEL at the wonders of God's creation of our minds.  The fact that something as simple as a little headache can turn into this:

chest pains, hard heartbeat, dizziness, rapid breathing, fuzzy eyesight, nausea....

simply because my MIND decides it's worse than just a little headache.  Wow, our minds are powerful things.

God created them that way, and knew that we needed to guard them.  How many times in the Word does He tell us to guard our minds?  We always seem to see the "heart" part of verses and miss the "mind".  

Phillipians 4:7 tells us "Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  Oh how we love to quote this, claim it and hang on it for dear lives when things are not going well.  But, if you see a "then" at the beginning of a verse you really need to look back a little...Phillipians 4:6 "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done."

His peace will guard my mind, if instead of worrying about things I PRAY about everything.  If I will tell God what I need and be thankful for all He has done.  

I tend to pray ALOT......after I've crashed.  I need His peace....after I crash.  I'm pretty sure that means I've got this a little backwards. 

Thank you for the prayers, friends!  I completely attribute to this FANTASTIC feeling to the goodness and grace of GOD and the prayers of my friends!  

Authenticity and a little pill....

I value authenticity.  I do.

Not the kind that let's me in on things I have no business knowing, but authenticity that let's me know who you really are.  In real life, as well as in my "virtual" life I have little interest in surface relationships.  This is something I've realized over time about myself.  I have lived in MANY different places, different cities, and different countries and there have been times when I had no authentic friends around me.  For the longest time I thought I was just introverted and had a hard time making friends. But then I realized that I just had no interest in friendships where I do not know the REAL you and you do not know the REAL me.

You can tell right off the bat.  More than likely, after the first time being around you, I have a good idea if we will be lifelong friends, or "hey, how are you?" acquaintances.  I think both are needed in life.  I don't think everyone I meet SHOULD be my lifelong friend, but I more than likely won't waste time trying very hard to figure it out.  Basically I am just selfish in my friendships and want to save myself up for people that I know I can show my crazy to (and vice versa...), and will still love me.

I'm entering a 12-step program soon....

I am the same in this virtual world.   For the longest time I read ALOT of blogs - homeschool blogs, ministry blogs, missions blogs, lifestyle blogs...the list goes on and on.  But do you know what that did to me?  Depressed me.  I found myself comparing ALL THE TIME.  I can't do the homeschool things she does - my kids aren't as well behaved as hers - why can't I think of awesome things to do with all my mason jars - blah blah blah.  People blog the GOOD stuff, and leave out the "I'm so tired of all this I'm hiding in my closet crying" stuff....(not that I ever do that, I actually have no closet I could hide in.  I know, I've looked).

So, if you're going to get actual "Pieces of Amy" then you take the good and the bad.  (who's humming right now?)  Some days I will ROCK the homeschool world, have mason jar lights strung up all over my yard, AND have super polite, well behaved kids.  Some days I will be searching for a closet...

All that to say this:  I will be blogging my newest journey into the world of Panic Disorder.  A three day long episode + feeling God impress on me he wants to heal me through medication + a great friend's loving rebuke have led me to filling a prescription.   A prescription I was supposed to fill a month ago, but I was feeling better..... I am so easily duped by my own mind.

Today is day one, and I'm a little nervous. Not because of the actual taking of medication, I'm all about it if it will help.  I'm afraid of side-effects.  I did not have that problem a year ago, but now I've been the one in a million who have weird side-effects (my vision problems are ongoing...) and I know it's all not just words on paper. 

This is one of the difficult pieces.  BUT, I have been reminded the last few days that if I did not have this "piece" then I would not be likely to fall at the feet of Jesus as often as I HAVE to.  Makes me think of a story of Paul and the thorn.......

Linked Up With:
A Mama's Story, The Better Mom, and Working Kansas Homemaker
A Holy Experience

Wasting Time

Well now, that's the fifth Lego I've pulled from my foot. Did the creator of Legos secretly giggle when he realized all the parents that would one day be cursing his name? Five Legos and my feet have had enough.

Passed the Legos, but now it's the dirt. The grit from little feet that have come in from the pool and strewn bits of summer all over my floor. I walk by, coffee cup in hand and think "I'll have to sweep later...." as I head for my comfy chair by the window.

 Sitting in my chair I have the perfect view of the block tower that my son has built. The coffee table has been pushed to the side to make room for creativity, blocks strewn everywhere with the look of complete chaos - but I know better. Where I see chaos, he sees a helicopter landing pad or log cabin vet clinic.

Sighing, everything in me says I need to get back up and clean this crazy house. But the still small voice inside says no. This house speaks of life. There is life being lived in every corner and life is messy.  

He loves me. He loves me enough to remind me that a quiet moment in the chair with Him is not wasting time. It's never a waste to rest in His arms, to listen to His voice, to read His letters to me.

He is never a waste of time.

Summer Plans and JFFF Link-up!

 

Ahhhh, Friday.  The end of the school week and the end of the school YEAR!  Is anyone else excited about lazy Summer days??  I am!  We're taking the month of June off and then kicking back in for some Summer learning in July (I know, I know....what a bummer Mom - but we got SO behind this year!) This break could not have come at a better time, it is MUCH NEEDED!!!

The kids and I sat down last week and had a talk about figuring out ways to spend our summer serving other people.  We have developed a very bad habit of sheltering ourselves in our home and living in "survival" mode.  I think that there can be a time for that in our lives, but it should be a short period.  That period for us is at its end and it's time to start living and being the WORD to the world around us.   In light of that, there are a few things this summer that I'm really excited about.

The first is a Read-a-thon that our kids are starting this week.  I remember having Read-a-thons every Summer when I was a kid and LOVING them.  Our library has a Summer reading program that we will sign up for, but I was bothered by the fact that everything the kids would read or do was just for THEM, to win prizes and such.  There is a place for that (and we're signing up, btw...) but in light of how we want to spend our Summer I knew we had to find a way to make it about others.   So, in an effort to keep our kids reading all Summer, and to have them learn the meaning of working hard for OTHERS, we made up our own Read-a-thon. 

We've titled it "Kids 4 Kids Read-a-thon" and all the proceeds will go to the Fort Smith Children's Emergency Shelter.  The CES is a home where foster kids go when they are taken from their homes but there is no foster home available to place them in.  Their website has a whole list of needs and wants, so we're going to pool our money at the end of the Summer and let the kids pick things from the list to buy for them.  So far there are several families participating.  If you're in the Fort Smith area and want to jump in, facebook me and let me know.  If you're not, I encourage you to find a way to reach out to your community this Summer.  It doesn't have to be something official, remember we made this up ourselves!   You can make up anything!

We're also joining in with a group from our church to minister to a local nursing home/assisted living facility.  The kids will spend one day a week loving on some Grandmas and Grandpas and learning the meaning of caring for others.  I"m sure there will be some bumps and whines along the way, but reaching out to others is like a muscle that you have to use to grow stronger.  Our muscles atrophy if we don't use them, think about what a metaphor that can be for ministry as well......

Personally, I'm going to spend the summer studying the Proverbs 31 woman.  I shared in an earlier post how I've joined in with the Good Morning Girls to dig into this woman's life and learn how to be a more godly wife and mother.  It's only been a week into this study and God has already really used it to encourage and rebuke me.  It's going to be a Summer of breaking and re mending and I'm looking forward to the process.  

Deep breaths.  That's what I'm doing right now after typing all of that.  Why?  Because I am an introvert who loves to do nothing more than sit in my home with a book and shut out the world.  That is not what God has called me to do, and it's not the way I want my kids to spend their lives.  Relaxing has it's place, but it should not be the ONLY place.  Stretch me, Lord! 

What about you?  Do you have any plans for the Summer?? Traveling, family, camps, studies, I want to know!  

Now, it's your turn to link up!  I would love to read your favorite post of the week, whatever it was about!  You can link as many posts as you like, but please remember to link back so that we can continue to find each other.  Feel free to snag the button on the right so that others can find the link-up page and join in!  Have a great weekend!!!